i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
