Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
