Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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