I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
