Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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