You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
