forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
