Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize