If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
