Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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