Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
