Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
