I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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