White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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