Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
