i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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