Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
