THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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