2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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