I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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