if you like me you must not know who I am
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
