im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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