I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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