I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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