I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
