Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
