I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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