hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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