please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
