I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
