OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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