omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
