I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
