No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
