The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
