i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know her cup size but not her name....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
