Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
