He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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