he puts the penis in happiness.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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