I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
