I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize