Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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