Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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