oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
