It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This house was built for laser tag.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
