I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
