dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
