i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
