some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
pray to the hookup gods
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
