Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
