apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
