I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
