So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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