so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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