So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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