matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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