Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
