Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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