Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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