Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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