Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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