Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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