I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize