nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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